Guys, I'm actually happy that it's a new month. This is big. No, really, really, big. Because I haven't been happy for it to be a new month for...at least six months, maybe a few years.
Let me explain. Also, here's my warning: This is a womanly blog post about very womanly things. If you are a man (which I highly doubt, as men have no interest in my blog), or talking about very womanly things makes you uncomfortable, please drop down to the section below the next bolded sentence where I tell you everything is now safe to read.
Beautiful Mother Nature, in all her divine wonder, has blessed me with all the intense blessings of womanhood at the beginning of every month.
And when I say intense blessings, what I really mean is a drop-kick in the vagina.
From the time of junior high I've had intense cramps during my period. At first, over-the-counter pain medications would do the trick for me. Then they got worse. And then I had to use extra-strength Midol. And then it got even worse. And then I had a knee surgery where they gave me Percocet to ease my suffering. Things got better. And then they got so very worse when the Percocet ran out. And the extra-strength Midol stopped working. So I tried Naproxen Sodium (essentially what they use in Midol to kill your pain). And then that stopped working so back to over-the-counter it was. And then my cramps got so bad that they not only lasted for four days and left me curled up on my bed crying and begging for death, they gave me fatigue, nausea, and morning sickness the week before.
Not pleasant. (Just about as pleasant is that paragraph with TWILIGHT-levels of annoying grammar. In my case, non-varying sentence length and the ever-present anaphora).
I decided that enough was enough, and that it was time to go see a lady-doctor (read: gynecologist). Mainly for birth control pills. I had asked around and found that most of my friends already took them, and not only did it help with their cramps, but it also helped with their skin and their mood swings, two things I'm desperately in need of help in fixing.
The gynecologist visit wasn't that bad. Because I'm in Kentucky and I'm not sexually active, my gynecologist (rather, the nurse practitioner that could see me sooner) didn't really have anything to do. So I put the big sheet on, she checked my lady bits, and all was well. I'm not really self conscious about my lady bits, so wasn't that big of a deal to me. I honestly spent more time waiting for her to come back in while she waited for me to dress/undress than anything else. We both knew what I was there for. And she gave it to me: a prescription for a birth control pill and cramping pain reliever.
I have never been so happy.
Also, I think that birth control is a misleading term. It's a hormone pill that women use, honestly, more for non-birth control related things than they use it for birth control. Birth control is just a side effect. This is why politics about it (which include a lot of MEN deciding which medicine a WOMAN should use) irritate me so much. There are no words to express my anger about this issue. Especially now that my well-being is at risk if the legislation of men passes. It means I go back to a week of uncontrollable pain and spending the rest of the month dreading the recurrence of the pain. It seriously takes over my life like that.
But no more, because I have the medicine to fix me! And the insurance to keep getting it! Pain free, blemish free, crazy wacko me free months, here I come!
It is now safe to resume reading this blog. I promise no more discomfort about womanly woman things.
In other words, I go back to school soon! In a month. It actually makes me a little nervous, which is odd because I've been yearning to go back from the moment that I left. I guess it's just taking that plunge of self-reliance in a land that my family is too far away from to really help me if I get into a situation that I need help in.
But I get my own room! And I have a job! And I'm taking a NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE class! And SHAKESPEARE!
Excuse me while I run away to college.
Yay that the medicine works!
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