Honestly, It's Really Just More Amanda Palmer

Former roommates of mine will tell you (probably with a grudging sigh) that when I like a song, I replay it. Over. And over. And over again. For weeks. Or sometimes months. My songs will change every few months, and sometimes I even have a few songs that I play on repeat rather than just one, which makes roommates marginally more happy.

I keep trying to publish this post, but the songs I'm filing through just keep changing. So, before they change again, here's what I've been listening to on repeat:

1. TROUT HEART REPLICA by Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra
This song is what I've been feeling lately. I know that I sound really happy and perky and chirpy here on this blog, but I've been going through some very serious things lately, things that don't make me happy. I may be writing a post about it later. Regardless, go listen to this song because it is long, beautiful, and heartbreaking. Oh, look, it just came up on my shuffle (again). Time to listen.

2. WANT IT BACK by Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra
There's going to be a lot of Amanda Palmer on this list today, mostly because I've been unable to listen to anything else since I bought her album. Well, not bought. She has an option for free internet download because she understands that there are people like me who can't afford her gorgeous music. She asks that when we can, that we donate towards her art. And I will. Oh, I will. This summer, I will contribute so much to her music so that she can make so much more! Anyway, this song is just so catchy.

3. THE BED SONG by Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra
This was the second Amanda Palmer song that I heard and absolutely fell in love with. It's tied with TROUT HEART REPLICA for my favorite song of hers right now. Make sure that you have a box of tissues with you when you listen to it. Don't say I didn't warn you.

4. OLLY OLLY OXEN FREE by Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra
WARNING: You're going to want to find an edited version of this song because it only has one swear word in it and it's a whopper. But find that edited version, because this song is so amazing.

5. LOST by Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra
Wait for the chorus, because it just keeps getting better. This is one of those songs that I know I like so I don't shuffle it away, but I forget just how much I love it until it hits the repeated chorus in the end (come to think of it, a lot of Amanda Palmer's songs use a similar song structure at the end, but it's not one of those annoying repeated things. It's really good, and I think it might be because you can tell she puts thought into every one of her songs. It's amazing how much creativity oozes from this album).

Okay, so all of these songs are from Amanda Palmer and the Grand Theft Orchestra. What does that tell you? It tells you that you need to go get this album now because it's one of the most amazing albums ever produced.

Sometimes I Clean Things

I think I've already lamented the fate of my roommates, but let me add another thing to the list: I'm a maniacal cleaner. I'm a crazy lady with a broom, and when I get in the mood, NOTHING can keep me from going into a cleaning/furniture moving frenzy. I'm coming up on one now.

Sorry, roomies.

The last time that I went on a rampage -- no joke -- I kicked my roommates out of the bottom floor of our apartment, did the dishes, wiped everything down, swept, vacuumed, and rearranged the entire living room. Tomorrow is clean checks, perfect time to do it again.

Bring it on.

Oh, Look! Krill!

Alternate title: Oh, Look! Pain Pills!

I just realized that I never updated you guys on what happened when I went to the doctor. Here we go:

1. Con: I was a little late because I got lost. Pro: I know where the city hospital is now! (I know, I know, it's very stupid of me not to know where the city hospital is, especially since I've lived here every six months for the past three years, but honestly I didn't ever need the hospital. It kind of...well, it slipped my mind. I can seriously count all the times I've been to the hospital on one hand. Never been too much of a priority to know where the hospital is.)

2. From the x-rays that the nurses/assistants/what are these guys called again? took of my knee, we can pretty safely assume that the surgery that I had almost three years ago worked. Also, there is literally a chunk missing out of my knee. It's kind of cool. But not.

3. The doctor gave me three options from what he saw:
         a) live with it (which he said was not working. I agree).
         b) get a repeat procedure to scope around and see what's happening in my knee.
         c) get a bone/cartilage graft.

4. At least I got some pain pills. After the doctor found out that I was going home to get any work done, he seemed disinterested in me. I had to ask for pain pills (even though he had asked and knew that even walking was painful and regular stuff wasn't working. At all). He only gave me 40 pills, and I'm having to ration them out. Even with my rationing, I will have to call and get more before I go home. I guess I didn't realize just how much pain I was in until I started taking them and realized that even these wouldn't take the pain totally away, just diminish it to a manageable level.

5. Overview: it looks like my surgery worked, we don't know why I'm in pain, I'm going to have to wait to get back home to find a doctor interested enough to help me out. Only one month left! I can make it!

NULC, Mirror Writing, And Job-Hunting

1. I got into the NULC! For those who haven't heard me rant about it yet, it's the National Undergraduate Literature Conference. I submitted three works, and one of my essays made it in, so I'll be heading down the first weekend in April and read my work in front of, well, anyone who attends the conference and decides that they want to hear one of the essays in my session. I am obscenely excited. I went once two years ago (when one of my fiction pieces got accepted) and it was an absolute blast. This time I'm going to have some more, so I'll be able to get some of that steampunk jewelry that I fell in love with two years ago. Not the same pieces, but the same style, I hope.

2. I've got an appointment set up for my knee. I know, I know, I was going to wait until I go home, but although February (the worst month for the pain) is over, it's still not pleasant. I have an appointment set up for Wednesday, which hopefully will get me into an MRI soon. Preferably this week.

3. My mirror is currently being used as a "drawing board" of a story that I'm plunking out. I'm still in the pre-write stages, the part where I determine who the characters are and what the story is and why this story actually matters. It's an intensive process, significantly helped by what I'm learning in my Superheroes in American Literature class, which is teaching me why literature matters, and what makes a book something important.

4. I'm job-hunting. I don't think I want to go back to the job I've been working. It's time for a change, to take on a new job that will help me grow. And also not give me a severe anxiety-inducing working atmosphere (didn't realize that it did that until I realized that I have social anxiety. Go figure). The job I thought I was going to might not work out, and I'd like to find another one like it, a nice 9-5 M-F job that pays well and lets me swim in the pool and somewhere near the library so I can walk to the library on my lunch break....ugh, someone just hire me at the library, okay? Please? Then my life will be complete.

Exciting Things Are Happening

Let me tell you about them:

1. I'm in Women's Glee (no, not the show GLEE, but one of the vocal ensembles offered on campus. Part of my Music minor and all). We're singing in devotional this week, and our concert is this Wednesday. Looks like I need to get a move-on memorizing the German song we're singing.

2. Yesterday was Brother's birthday. I love him dearly -- he's one of my favorite people in the world, and I can honestly say that I'm related to one of my best friends (because he's pretty much the top of that list, right beside Stark). I'm a very lucky chica.

3. In three days, I find out if I made it into the NULC (National Undergraduate Literature Conference). I submitted three works this year, a fiction piece and two essays, as opposed to my usual single fiction submission. Hopefully at least one of them will get me in.

4. I bought a new sketchbook! It means I have less money for food, but art really is that important -- I really do believe that. I would gladly sacrifice my food for art, because while food may enable me to survive, art enables me to live.

5. THEATRE IS EVIL by Amanda Palmer and The Grand Theft Orchestra. Go download it off her site. Buy it off there. It has the new THE BED SONG recording. Go. Now. Fall in love with it. Listen to good art.

6. I think I'm going to go see THE TEMPEST, put on by my school. I've heard it's really good, and I just want to go see a play. Once you start going. you can't go back -- you get hooked.

Wow, that's a lot more than I had planned out. Guess there really are a lot of things going on in my life right now, even if they're small(ish).

We Have A Plan!

[Cue reminiscing of AN AMERICAN TAIL with that one lady-mouse who's always goin' "Wet's have a wawwy!"]

[Really, it's because at one point she says "We have a pwan!"]

[Which is the title of this post]

[Obviously]

[Cue actual post]

So you know of my woes of ever-painful knees (no, really, yesterday I had to miss a class because I just hurt too much. This is legit). Well, my wonderful mother is on the hunt for a doc to help me out. She asked the orthopedic surgeon who attends our church congregation and he also said that i definitely should not be feeling pain at this point. I'm going to need an MRI, for starters, and then we're just going to go from there.

Fun fact: the doctor that my mother is thinking about taking me to is the same doctor who worked on my elbow when I broke it in Kindergarten.

Two months to go, and then I'll (hopefully) be fixed, for real this time!

They Called Back

The orthopedic surgeon's office called back. Apparently if I'm still feeling pain, they need to see me. Guess something didn't turn out so well. I'm waiting for two more months until I get home to go see a doctor for my knee. My poor mother is on the verge of tears. She didn't know I was hurting so bad, and, in her own words, "I hate to make you suffer for two more months." I don't mind it, I've done it for years, but it's really nice to know that she worries about me, and not just if I have enough food. She worries about me being in pain, or not being happy. I know that she does, and I hate to worry her, but it's nice sometimes to know someone worries about you like that.

I really, really love my mother.

You'd Think I'd Given You Some Recomendations By Now

No, really.

I've been reading so many books, and I haven't given you any recommendations! What kind of friend am I? A terrible one, apparently, if we're basing friendship on the amount of recommendations I give you regularly on my blog. I'm very glad that our friendship is not based on that.

Here are my Top Ten books (in no particular order. Meaning #1 is not my most favorite book. It's just the first one that popped into my head):

1. DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE -- Laini Taylor
I started listening to this one on audiobook (which I am just about to finish, and I would recommend it to everyone). It's a new idea, an interesting concept, and it's so beautifully written! The book is amazing, the audiobook is fantastic. It definitely helps with the pronunciation of the spattering of Czech/Chimera/Seraphim names and words included in the story.

2. THE BOOK THIEF -- Markus Zusack
 Seriously, if you haven't read this book yet, then you haven't lived yet. Beautifully tragic in a very Amanda Palmer's THE BED SONG way, it's a vast roller coaster of emotions. Very real, very personal, and very entertaining. Especially since it's told through the perspective of Death, who is very deep and very wise in the ways of mortal beings. Primarily, us.

3. THE GIVER QUARTET -- Lois Lowry
 Most people have heard of THE GIVER, but most of them don't know that it's actually the first book in a quartet, and that the last book of the quartet just came out. They go as follows: THE GIVER, GATHERING BLUE, MESSENGER, and SON. That's the order. My favorite is probably GATHERING BLUE. The beautiful thing about this quartet is that you don't see why they're lumped together until the very end. It's a very beautiful end.

4. DIVERGENT -- Veronica Roth
 I don't know what it is about me and books about people in different groups (part of the appeal of Harry Potter), but this one filled that need in my literary heart. It's about a girl named Tris who is special, and she meets this boy named Four and it's a realistic relationship for once, and there isn't a love triangle, and it's a book that makes me feel dangerously brave. I love it. There are flaws in the characters, there is tragedy, there is strength and secrets and war. It will suck you in and keep you there.

5. THE FAULT IN OUR STARS -- John Green
 You may have been noticing that many of the books I've selected for this list include a hint of tragedy. This book surpasses that hint (much like THE BOOK THIEF), but don't you let that drive you away, reader! Take it, love it, just take precautions and bring a couple six-pack boxes of Kleenex with you. Or you could just say that you dropped it in the bathtub and that's how it got crinkly-stiff formerly-drenched pages.

6. GOOD OMENS: THE NICE AND ACCURATE PROPHECIES OF AGNES NUTTER, WITCH -- Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
Sometimes I put books on this list that I would recommend that I haven't actually finished, mostly because of me being too busy to read it when I got it from the library and I can't get my grubby little hands on it again because it's so dang popular. This is one of those books. Full of snarky, dry British humor and clever premises and execution, this is easily one of the most interesting books I've read, and easily one of the most intellectual.

7. WINTERGIRLS -- Laurie Halse Anderson
Written by the author of SPEAK, another one of my absolute favorite books, WINTERGIRLS is intensely dark. It's about a girl who suffers from anorexia, written in a poetic and haunting way that, to quote one of the reviews "is hard to read, but even harder to put down." That sums up this book perfectly. You get disturbingly close in her head, but it is worth every moment, and the ending makes it okay. You get done, you breath a sigh of relief, and you realize that you're going to be okay.

8. A TALE OF TWO CASTLES -- Gail Carson Levine
This is one of those younger books that I read because I absolutely love anything by Gail Carson Levine -- and she does not disappoint in this book. A mystery of fantastical proportions (get it, because it's a fantasy book?), it's full of twists and turns and ends nothing like how you thought it would. A breath of fresh air, to be honest. Very fresh air.

9. BEAUTIFUL CREATURES -- Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl
This is another one of those I-haven't-finished-reading-it-but-I-like-what-I've-read books. Sure, it's probably the most cliched out of all of the books on my list, but it's set in the South, and it's written well enough for me to enjoy it. I'm a sucker for stories set in the South. And I can't read a book, no matter how interesting its premise is, unless it is written well. The fact that I like this book despite its cliches is a compliment to the authors, indeed.

10. THE NIGHT CIRCUS -- Erin Morgenstern
I actually did finish this one, before you ask. And I loved it. I didn't really care for the two main characters -- to be honest, they were the most boring characters of the book, and that's saying something, because they were really cool. But they weren't meant to be the most interesting characters in the book. The circus was, and it is. And the clockmaker. I have a very special love for the clockmaker and the contortionist.

We Interrupt This Program For A Very Important Message

1. It's Valentine's Day. Despite my consistent single-ness on this day, I've always loved it. I think it's because of the fun boxes of valentines we gave each other in elementary school. Can we make this a thing in college? Please?

2. A boy I've never seen before (very good-looking, I might add) just came up to me and handed me a valentine with his name and number on it. He honestly just made my day. And I think I'm going to give him a text tonight. He put his number on it for a reason, right? Right. Pardon me while I smile excessively at a very good day.

An Update On Calling

I called my mother yesterday before I called the office of the orthopedic surgeon. My mother always gives me courage to call people, and she also helps me develop a script, although I don't know if she realizes that she's doing it.

I was telling my mother that I wasn't excited about calling the office, and she said that I should just wait until I got back home for the summer and then go to a orthopedist there. Then she made the mistake of asking how much my knee hurt.

(Answer: Every day, pretty much all day, usually staying around a 2-5 on the 1-10 pain scale, but able to get to 7-8 and give out on me. I can tell the weather with the pain in my knee. I'm not kidding. And I'm usually right.)

To which she said: Call them. Call them now.

And so I did. I talked to a receptionist, who said that there probably wasn't a lot that they could do without doing a bunch of different tests and x-rays and all that jazz, but she said that she would pass the message on and that they would call me with an answer to see if we could try to figure this out.

I'm still waiting for a call. I'm going to start going to a morning water aerobics class to see if that will help in the meantime.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

Look at me! Look at me! I'm blogging again, I'm being productive again! It's amazing what rearranging your room can do. And actually taking your medicine. Yeah, that could help. Maybe my productivity will even go so far as to give me motivation to do my laundry.

In other news, I'm going to be calling my orthopedic surgeon today because (nearly) three years after my surgery to fix me, I'm still feeling pain nearly every day, especially in winter. I'm really hoping that he'll be able to help me. The other option in my head is for him to go "Oops, sorry, you're screwed for life. Good luck!"

The scariest thing about this isn't him telling me that I'm screwed, actually. The scariest thing is calling -- that's right, I'm terrified of using the phone. I even have issues calling my mother or my friends sometimes. I'd much rather text or Skype. Mostly text. See, in text I can be witty and clever because I have time to think about it (I'm not a very quick thinker). When I call someone, if I don't have a script, then I freak out and my brain goes blank. So me calling the orthopedic surgeon goes a little like this in my head:

SECRETARY: Hello?
ME: Hi, Dr. [Insert Name Here] performed a surgery on me [Insert Date Here], and I'm having some trouble. I have some questions, and was wondering if Dr. [Insert Name Here] would be available for me to ask him those questions.
SECRETARY: Well, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to make an appointment.
ME: Ah, yes, you see, I'm in Idaho right now, and so coming down for an appointment isn't convenient. That's why I was wondering if I could ask him on the phone.
SECRETARY: I'm sorry, but you really have to have an appointment.
ME: [Sigh] Okay, fine. Do you have an appointment for this Monday, or are you closed?
SECRETARY: We don't have an opening until next Wednesday.
ME: No, no, no, I can't do that. I have school up here, I can't just drop everything and come down. Are you sure that there isn't anyone I can talk to?
SECRETARY: [Irritated] I told you, you have to have an appointment.
ME: Oh, okay, I'll just go, then. Have a nice day. [Hang up]

So that's how I feel it's going to go. Or I'll be talking to the doctor and he'll be asking me questions and either I don't know the answer or I won't know how to explain it to him. I guess that it's just what I'm going to have to get over, because I'm not really looking forward to the prospect of perpetual pain if I can help it.

Wish me luck!

Occasionally I Get Addicted To Twitter

And Netflix, and YouTube, and Tumblr, and Gmail, and...well, no, not Facebook. Facebook is kind of meh. I have much more fascinating places to go.

And things to write.

Because, let's face it, I've got a lot of co-writing to catch up on -- but I'm caught up in homework, which is almost good enough to be a consolation prize. No? Oh, okay. I'll go write now.

A Great Relief

Guys, I did it! I needed 6,667 words to be caught up in NaNo tonight, and I got 6,673 words! That's six more words than I actually needed!

(I did the math on the calculator. I see your mathy-judgy eyes mocking my math skills.)

It's a great relief to be caught up. Naptime!

Cheerleader

I'm three days behind on my novel, and I'm starting to get downtrodden about it. I'm also behind on about two weeks worth of music theory homework (which, at this point, I'm almost ready to just give it up, fail the class, and drop out of college. That's how much I hate this class).

Now taking applications for a NaNo cheerleader.

The Killing Type

Two days behind, and what am I doing? Blogging. And getting ready to go to the store to get some milk so that I can make cornbread tomorrow. It's been weeks since I've had Sunday dinner, and I'm missing it BIG time.

I've been in hard core writer's block all morning. I'm hoping getting out and walking will help my brain decide what to write. After I finish writing/work/music homework, I might treat myself to watching THE BLIND SIDE. Or maybe I'll go see BIELZY AND GOTTFRIED (the fantastically amazing play that my college is putting on) again, dragging fellow NaNo-er and best write-in neighbor Brick.

(Is that her real name? No. But since when have I actually used real names here?)

Last night Brick came over and we had ourselves a nice little write-in, and she showed me a song by Amanda Palmer (wife of Neil Gaiman, one of my heroes) called THE KILLING TYPE. I hadn't realized until that moment just what the main character was like until I heard this song, because this song was someone talking to my main character, and it was revelatory. This is going to be a very interesting story, because it's going to be my main character's story about the other character. Kind of a mix between THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER and THIRTEEN REASONS WHY.

Maybe before I make this comparison, I should actually finish reading THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER.